Tag Archives: Advice

I DON’T KNOW

Have you experienced that awkward moment when a question was thrown at you and you threw back an answer that you were convinced made zero meaning? In order not to appear ignorant, you just crafted a combination of words while exuding sterling confidence built on a foundation of thin air, knowing quite well that you were not making any sense. In most cases, the people asking the questions are nice enough and play along pretending to understand you so that you will not be embarrassed.

One of my friends was not that lucky in an encounter that he had with a senior executive at work. As part of the processes to get a required approval, he had to explain some details to the senior executive. When asked a question, he had no clue what the right answer was, but decided to ride his luck and just say something. He did not expect what he heard next. The boss told him: “If you don’t know, just say you don’t know”. You can only imagine the rush of blood to his face when those words hit his ears.

I dont know

At the root of this behaviour in most cases is the feeling of: “I should know this but I’m ashamed that I don’t know and I don’t want to be seen as someone who doesn’t know”. In Zechariah Chapter 4, Zerubbabel could have pretended that he understood what he was seeing. He was a reputable prophet and he should have known what the vision meant based on his long years of prophetic experience. The angel’s questions in verses 5 and 13 tend to suggest that he expected Zerubbabel to know and understand what he was seeing. Zerubbabel, however, did not know and he was not ashamed to say that he did not know. This admission gave him the opportunity to receive an accurate interpretation of the vision from the angel in those two instances. He chose the higher path of stooping low to learn and it paid off like it always does.

When we don’t have the answer and we pretend to know, we leave the person asking the question with an impression of us that might be difficult to change in the future. The shame we were trying to avoid may now come to us in multiples. No matter how long you’ve been in church, it’s okay not to know answers to some questions. You may even be a pastor. It is still okay. And then as a teacher, it is okay to tell your students that you don’t know but make a commitment to get back to them with the answer.

The chance to say “I don’t know” may not always be an opportunity to learn anything, it may just be an opportunity to simply say “I don’t know” and move on without shame. Humility. We are not omniscient and it’s okay not to know somethings. But this does not mean that we should bask in blissful ignorance and not seek to acquire the requisite knowledge and indeed more. It is also instructive not to plan to answer “I don’t know” to the same question more than once. The first one is enough cue for us to go and research the topic.

Keep learning!

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I BROUGHT MY OWN SHOES

I recently attended an event that was organized to welcome the new member of the leadership team of a company. The event also doubled as a farewell ceremony for the departing leader. The accolades were not in short supply because the outgoing leader was an exceptional leader on every front. He was the type of leader that Jim Collins described as a Level 5 leader in his book; Good to Great. Many were sad to see him go, but he had to go.

Several people were invited to make speeches as the evening wore on, most speakers focused on the outgoing leader, with a few making remarks that alluded to the new member of the team that he had very big shoes to fill. Almost everyone seemed to agree with that point of view because the impressions on the hearts and minds of people were deep.

When it was time for the incoming leader to make his commencement speech, he made a very remarkable statement. He said “I am not going to try to fill Mr X’s shoes because I brought my own shoes”. So, he already told everyone that he was not made from the same mould. His style was going to be different and he did not suggest that he was going to lower the standards. He was just different and he was going to be himself.

shoes

It’s good to have people we look up to, especially people that have gone ahead of us successfully. But we must never aspire to be them. We should rather aspire to become the best version of ourselves that God made us to be. We will stand on the shoulders of those people, learn from their mistakes and glean from their wisdom. We will place our hands in their hands and allow them to lead us. We will plant our footsteps in their footprints if needed. We will draw out deep things from the depths of their hearts. We will be humble around them, no matter what we become. We will preserve their good reputation while building ours. In all this, WE WILL NOT BE THEM because we will bring our own shoes!

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WHO HAS YOUR EARS?

Growing up, we often had some artistes and magicians set up makeshift stages on busy street corners to show off their skills and make some quick buck. Crowds of spectators easily formed around those acts the way ants are drawn to sugar. Such crowds had a way of bringing together the good, the bad and the ugly.

My mum told me never to mingle with such crowds and I obeyed for a while, until one of those days, when the pull of the crowd was more than my resolve. I could not resist the temptation of catching just a glimpse of the performance. I really can’t remember what the show was about on that day, but one thing I will never forget about that day is that my wrist watch ‘disappeared’ from my hand on that spot. Obviously, the guy that took it from me was a professional as I was oblivious of the fact that the ownership of my watch had changed until I got home and couldn’t find it on my wrist. Needless to say that I never went near any of such crowds again…thereafter, heeding my mum’s counsel became something very vital to me.

That was the way that I lost my first wrist watch. As a matter of fact, many victories and failures we experience in life depend on who we listen to and what we do with the counsel we receive from different sources. In a way, it could be viewed as a matter of life and death because lives have been made or destroyed based on different types of counsel.

ears

The dethronement of Vashti as Xerxes’ queen was a product of the counsel that the king received from Memucan. If any other person other than Memucan had spoken up on that day, the outcome might have been different.

 Memucan answered the king and his nobles, “Queen Vashti has wronged not only the king but also every noble and citizen throughout your empire. Women everywhere will begin to despise their husbands when they learn that Queen Vashti has refused to appear before the king. Before this day is out, the wives of all the king’s nobles throughout Persia and Media will hear what the queen did and will start treating their husbands the same way. There will be no end to their contempt and anger. Esther 1: 16 – 18 (NLT)

Esther’s ascension to the throne was in part because she listened to all that the king’s eunuch told her. She did not trivialize Hegai’s advice.

Esther was the daughter of Abihail, who was Mordecai’s uncle. When it was Esther’s turn to go to the king, she accepted the advice of Hegai, the eunuch in charge of the harem. She asked for nothing except what he suggested, and she was admired by everyone who saw her. Esther 2:15 (NLT)

After the death of King Solomon, his son Rehobaom lost 10 of the 12 tribes of Israel because of wrong counsel.

But Rehoboam rejected the advice of the older men and instead asked the opinion of the young men who had grown up with him and were now his advisers. 1Kings 12:8 (NLT)

David destroyed the Ammonites in a needless war because their king listened to wrong counsel from his commanders,

Some time after this, King Nahash[a] of the Ammonites died, and his son Hanun became king.  David said, “I am going to show loyalty to Hanun just as his father, Nahash, was always loyal to me.” So David sent ambassadors to express sympathy to Hanun about his father’s death. But when David’s ambassadors arrived in the land of Ammon, the Ammonite commanders said to Hanun, their master, “Do you really think these men are coming here to honor your father? No! David has sent them to spy out the city so they can come in and conquer it!”  So Hanun seized David’s ambassadors and shaved off half of each man’s beard, cut off their robes at the buttocks, and sent them back to David in shame. 2 Samuel 10: 1 – 4

If you take stock in retrospect, I’m sure you’ll have your own tales of wise and unwise counsel, wise counsel heeded and otherwise. Most times, we are in total control of who we listen to and what we do with whatever advice we receive. So, we can choose who we give our ears to. Words are like seeds sown into our hearts through our ears, we can’t just afford to give all manner of people unfettered access to plant different things in our hearts. On the flip side, we need to make every effort to ensure that our paths are lined with wise counsel.

As we prudently seek out wise counsel and shut out destructive advice, we can be sure of one source of wisdom that never fails – the WORD!

My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you peace and prosperity. Proverbs 3: 1 – 2

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